I Don't Like You

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Mara: I don't like you.

I open my eyes, groggy. I had fallen asleep next to Mara in her bed trying to help her fall asleep. It's still night time. Based on past times, assuming 2-4am.

Mara: No. I can't stop crying.

Oh she's sleep talking. OK. Good, I don't want to have to do things. I'm so tired.

Mara: I don't like you.

Hrm. I wonder what's happening in her dream right now.

Mara: I don't like you, Mommy.

[Silence...]
I realize my whole chest is tight. Nothing moves, and that's odd. Oh, I need to breathe, that's it.
Reason slowly trickles back in, along with the oxygen: she probably doesn't mean that. 
There's a gentle leg kick on my arm, followed by a slightly more anxious:

Mara: I don't LIKE you, Mommy.

What?! Did I do anything last night to cause this? What did I say? Darn sweet husband of mine being all awesome compared to me. I need to ramp up my game tomorrow.

Really. What did I do?
She can't start disliking her mom this early, I thought that was for the 'teens. I must have done something. What was it? She did throw a fit last night at dinner about some ridiculous thing, maybe I was too insensitive then? But I'm not supposed to give in to those screaming fits, I was doing the right thing. I think. Was I?

Mara: I don't like you HERE, Mommy. [Another kick].

Oh she just wants more space to sprawl. It's not me after all. Phew. 

Mommy: Ok, Mara, I'll move to the guest room.

I go in the other room and lie down. That's where I'm supposed to be sleeping after-all: Greg has been with Gaius to help him sleep better for the past two months. I lie down, cover myself with the blanket and close my eyes.

Little feet shuffle near, and the sound of a half-empty sippy cup.
Crawling over my legs, a soft sleepy Mara curls up on the other side of me on top of a pillow.

Relief finally hits.
She simply wanted both of us to continue the night in this other bed. She's silly like that. I should learn to listen to the whole story before I jump to conclusions. 

We fall asleep.



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